Growing up I was the oldest of my sisters, and we grew up Pentecostal. I was on the worship team most of my life and had wonderful/supportive parents as well. My entire life, I always felt like I was 2nd best wherever I went. I tried to be the perfect Christian kid, but the pressure and the rejection came too much for me to handle. Drugs became a way for me to fit in, and numb the way I felt about myself.
I began destroying every bit of trust that people had in me, I was extremely bullheaded while I was getting high. I pushed everyone who cared about me away, because of my horrible behavior. I was not safe to be around. I would steal and scam ANYONE when I needed my drugs, nobody was off limits. When I began shooting my drugs up, NOTHING was too depraved for me to get the money I needed.
I ended up missing my oldest son’s 4th birthday while I was in jail for drug charges, which made me realize that I NEEDED to change. If not for myself, then for my kids… Sticking with recovery is difficult at times, but you have to realize that happiness is right on the other side of addiction, you just have to be strong enough the brave the storm! Through God’s love and not wanting to ever lose my kids, I have been given the strength to succeed this time around.
As long as I continue acting right with God and staying clean, I will always have a family that supports me. While I’m stuck in my sin and addiction, I don’t blame them for not wanting anything to do with me. Being in recovery at Grace Centers of Hope has been challenging, but a great teaching experience. They have taught me that I CAN have a good life, I just have to make the right choices to get there. I want my story to show other addicts that it is possible to live clean, you just have to keep getting back up when life knocks you down!